I used to sail the sea of life without steering it. I was happy with whatever was chosen for me and whatever comes. I would see it as adventure, as fate, as my paths are chosen for me. I would go with it, and sometimes it has taken me to beautiful places, sometimes it has taken me to painful places with so many dark storms. Somehow I sailed pass everything and my ship is still quite in tact and still able to sail on.
Recently though, I just realised like it really has hit me hard that time is really precious and limited. I’ve known it all along that’s for sure, but it has never really dawn or hit me this hard. Because I start to regret things, regret some paths I have chosen and paths I should have chosen. But the thing is I did not know better. Now that I know, what do I do though?
Despite regrets, time wasted effort, wasted energy on wasted issues – which become valuable life lessons and memories nonetheless. Sometimes I wonder if where I am now is where I am supposed to be. I doubt this all my life wherever I am, where else could I have been?
You, you are one of those things in life that came to me by accident just like many other things, but you, are one of the very few things that I have chosen.
Have I made a mistake to settle down? If I hadn’t, I would always be regretting it and wondering about it too. It’s crazy and frustrating to balance everything with a million possibilities, but limited time, and you would never know anything until you dive in. How much time it takes to dive in each option to find out your answers. How much time it takes to get out, how much time it takes to move on, just to do it all over again.
But now when I start to doubt my present, my current place in the world, this time at this space – somehow when I look at you and your smile just makes it all alright. How you make me smile just makes it all alright again. It’s not perfect. But I think that this place with you is good. This decision is good. Now is good. With you is good. In my continuous quest to find whatever it is I am seeking, I hope you will be there.
I know my quest is mine, my adventure is mine – I don’t want to be selfish. I hope I can be part of your adventures too. And we will be part of our adventures. I won’t be afraid. I wish for so many more of adventures that are mine, yours and ours.